Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
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