Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
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