I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Randomize
