do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Randomize
