That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Randomize
