didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
