Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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