yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
farters have to be the big spoon...
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
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