pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
