you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
