Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
