wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
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