I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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