I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
