I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
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