Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
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