Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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