she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
