the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize
