he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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