New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
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