Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
