I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
