Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
