Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
