ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Randomize
