Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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