oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
