You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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