I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
we're chasing vodka with high fives
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
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