I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
