He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Randomize
