I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
