i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
