i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
