WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
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