I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Randomize
