Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
