eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
