the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
