omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
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