I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Randomize
