My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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