He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
