You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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