im about as happy as oj after his trial
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
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