so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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