im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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