I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
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