His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Randomize
