ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
