In the future we'll all be gay
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Randomize
