nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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