I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize