just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize