I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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