I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
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