I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
