His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Randomize
