my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
