Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize