Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Randomize
