My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
