if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Randomize
