you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
And then my night got REAL pukey
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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