Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
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