I hope mine doesn't look like that
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
