I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
