I hate your face
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
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