party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
May the power of my ass compel you!!
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
