you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
