Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
