Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
